The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard: Film Review

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

Courtesy of Lionsgate

I didn’t have particularly high hopes for The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard because of A) the hideous title and B) the first one not being very good, so I wasn’t all that surprised when it turned out be pretty naff.

Following on from the events of the 2017 movie, this sequel begins with Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) coming to terms with losing his AAA security licence and taking a much-needed break, but his peace is interrupted by con woman Sonia Kincaid (Salma Hayek) who tracks him down and asks for his help rescuing her husband, hitman Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson), who has been taken by mobsters. However, they are all captured by Interpol agent Bobby O’Neill (Frank Grillo), who forces them to take down shipping tycoon Aristotle Papadopoulus (Antonio Banderas), a criminal mastermind planning to destroy the European power grid.

If you saw the first movie, which was loud, over-the-top and all over the place, then you have a good idea of what to expect from this instalment – it’s basically more of the same but with Hayek in a leading role instead of a minor one like before. It is brash, violent, messy and excessive, with director Patrick Hughes trying to cram in as many shootouts, explosions, and swearing as possible into this movie. It’s like he just decided to go for quantity over quality and threw in every idea.

You don’t really need to pay much attention to the plot because it’s incredibly silly, cliched and lazy and just a basic framework on which to hang all the yelling, insults, profanity and action sequences. It feels like the producers didn’t really have a story for the sequel so just cobbled together something so they could fulfil the requirements of “Guns! Action! Swearing! Explosions!” We’re somehow expected to believe that Aristotle wants to destroy the grid and data centre in retaliation for the European Union imposing sanctions on Greece. Errr, OK?! That seems a bit extreme. Plus, Banderas neither looks or sounds remotely Greek.

Not all the comedy works and that’s largely down to the weak script and the fact it relies too heavily on the belief that people yelling expletives at each other is funny. It can be on occasion and it made me laugh a few times (mostly in the beginning), but the novelty wears off quickly.

Reynolds carries the movie and does exactly what you’d expect Reynolds to do in a Reynolds film considering his performances are the same in everything. He is the funniest member of the cast, possibly because his brand of humour is different to his co-stars – he doesn’t rely on profanity or yelling – and he has brilliant reaction faces.

Hayek made me laugh a fair bit too but her character is just so loud and brash and OTT. However, I will praise her for throwing her all into the part, which is more than can be said for Jackson, who phones it in. I found it bizarre that Banderas was cast as a Greek character but I loved his outfits and he was suitably camp. Morgan Freeman makes a small appearance for comedy purposes but otherwise doesn’t make much of an impact. I was excited to see how Richard E. Grant, who is in the first film, would appear in this follow-up and his cameo is ridiculously brief.

The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is lazy, cliched and filled with stereotypical one-note characters and action sequences that are edited in a messy way. Admittedly, it doesn’t take itself seriously or pretend to be anything more than it is – a mindless popcorn flick – so remember to switch your brain off at the door.

In cinemas now

Rating: 2 out of 5.

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With a talented cast including Javier Bardem, Elle Fanning, Laura Linney, and Salma Hayek, I was excited to see The Roads Not Taken, but it was one of the most frustrating movies I have seen for some time.

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Like a Boss currently has a critics’ score of 20% and an audience score of 65% on Rotten Tomatoes. That’s quite a difference, and I reckon I’m somewhere in the middle.

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Oscars 2018: Best & Worst Dressed

This awards season, I have been doing the red carpet analysis for all the major awards shows and we’re now at the climax – the Oscars!

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BAFTAs 2018: Best & Worst Dressed

Much like the Golden Globes, the stars took to the BAFTAs red carpet at London’s Royal Albert Hall in black to support the Time’s Up movement – and here are my favourite looks.

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The Hitman’s Bodyguard: Film Review 

The Hitman’s Bodyguard is one of those films that are so difficult to review because you just don’t know what to make of it. It is so thoroughly inconsistent – great one minute and really bad the next – that is really is a headscratcher.

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Tale of Tales: Film Review

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“What the hell did I just watch?!” may be the first thing that comes to mind when leaving a screening of Tale of Tales. It is weird, weird, weird and my mind was totally blown trying to make sense of it.

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Films to Watch This September

Anna Karenina

Keira Knightley plays Anna, who embarks on an affair to help her escape the trappings of her high society life but instead, makes her life remarkably more complicated. Set in late 19th century Russia, Anna begins an affair with Count Vronsky (Aaron Johnson) which ruffles many feathers in the upper classes as her husband, played by Jude Law, is a politician. I think this looks like it is going to tug at the heartstrings. It reminds me of Atonement and Titanic.  It is a classic forbidden love tale but I think this will be right up my street. Released: 7th

 

Lawless

This violent, gangster flick has an all-star cast which is the main reason I want to see it. Shia LaBeouf, Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, Mia Wasikowska, Guy Pearce and Jessica Chastian head up this Prohibition era movie. Hardy and LaBeouf are brothers who run an illegal liquor bootlegging business so the police are onto them. Corrupt Special Agent Charlie (Pearce) is the villain here as he wants a cut of their profits and will threaten them in any way necessary. Things get pretty nasty when he doesn’t get his way. Prepare for violence, guns and some mean, mean men. Released: 7th

 

House At the End of the Street

Jennifer Lawrence starts in this horror thriller about a creepy neighbour. Not original whatsoever but the fact that Lawrence puts her name to it makes me think it will bring something new to the table. She plays Elissa who moves to a quiet suburban town with her mum and weird stuff starts happening to them. They learn that their neighbour, Ryan, is the soul survivor of a homicide in which his sister killed their parents and disappeared. So far, seems a bit like Dream House. Elissa (foolishly) gets into a relationship with Ryan, which obviously won’t end well. Released: 21st

 

Savages

This drug gangster movie stars Blake Lively, Aaron Johnson, Taylor Kitsch, John Travolta, Salma Hayek and Benicio del Toro. Wow! What a cast. Johnson and Kitsch are pot growers who share a girlfriend, O (Lively). When a deal with Mexican drug cartels goes awry, O gets kidnapped, so the boys have to take on the cartels to get her back. I reckon this will be violent and tense. Released: 21st.

 

Looper

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is wearing prosthetics and has adapted his voice to make him sound closer to Bruce Willis in this time travel movie.  Levitt is a looper which means he assassinates people who have been sent to him from the future. One day, he is sent his future self (Willis) and they have a face-off. It becomes a fast paced chase between Willis, Levitt and the guys who wanted them killed. Released: 28th